Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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