we were pretty classy up until the second keg
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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