I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
