time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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