$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
this is an emotional support booty call
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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