Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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