I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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