I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
