I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
