I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
