the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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