Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
