No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I need water and some morals
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
