I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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