i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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