bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
