NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
