you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
