i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
