Where did you get a picture of my penis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
