If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
