Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
