Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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