he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
