If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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