She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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