I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
