??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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