Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
