Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
