if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
