The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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