Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
