I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
