I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
