Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
