im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
