ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
