I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
