this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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