You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
