Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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