Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
