I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
