he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
