im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I need water and some morals
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