I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
