I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
