Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
