He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
