Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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