Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
