well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
