Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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