I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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