if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
